We Love You

When I was 22, I took (borrowed? – sorry bro) my brother’s two person pup tent (most likely a cub scout tent) and had a friend hike me several miles in to a remote location in Chautauqua County, NY. Perched as I was above a waterfall and my only egress criss-crossed by a creek, when a thunderstorm, stalwart with longevity, arrived, I was stranded. The creek quickly became impassible. My friend wasn’t due to return anytime soon, so I knew a good bit of hunkering down was required. I recall clearly how the tent collected water and ballooned down into a deep pool just inches from my face. My woodswoman skills were lacking so I just lay there for four days - hungry, wet, and reading. Snuggled in with William S. Burroughs and Jack Kerouac, we three watched as the tent drooped closer and closer. It’s funny how I don’t recollect the fear. And looking back now, I smile at the simple luxury of being in a nest I didn’t need to leave.

Last winter as I zillowed my way through the colder months in upstate NY, I recalled those nights alone in the forest. I tried to bring my memory back to what it felt like as the thunder rolled through again and again during the deepest hours and I lay there, wide-eyed and awake, a thin slip of orange nylon the only thing between me and the heckfires of nature. Somehow I had been brave enough to get myself to the top of that waterfall and to seek out solitude. Where was that woman now, I wondered, as my 50somethingish self put off going to the grocery store yet again in order to avoid leaving the house.

Now I find myself hunkered down once more, although this time it is not the unpredictable nature of nature that bears down on me, but the social anxieties of encountering and being around new people and other beings. This past weekend here at undisclosed location, Momma Donna and Dan hosted a “We Love You” party in celebration of, well, love! Musicians and artists, hippies and dreamers, and yes dogs, gathered as a community to create, explore, eat, connect, and be – a family vibe driven by love and a shared love of music that is the undercurrent of all that here is.

As Friday drew closer, so did my anxieties. Over and over I imagined myself tripping on an unleashed dog or getting knocked over as one greeted me with a friendly jump. I knew with certainty that people would discover my fraudulence and would know I didn’t belong – because, well, after all…did I belong anywhere? And who was this “I” who was so worried about belonging anyway? My mind became muddled and distracted by these persistent thoughts and any stability gained via my practice was well shaken up and stirred. So, I stayed glued to my campsite, a space apart from the rest and as far into the trees as I could get. The evensong of the gathering sent tendrils through the forest as I held fast to my relentless paranoia. At dusk, I finally ventured down only to watch little muffins of dog fluff tearing around at breakneck speed. I made it to the swings and headed back. I am asking – who the hell is afraid of a tiny puff of fur? Or a muster of hippies? Well, that would be me.

Friday night, as the music I had waited all week to hear reached my nest in the woods, I lay stricken with the notion that I had let my new friends down. I bargained and bartered with myself that staying solitary would be best for my practice, but in my heart I knew – I was officially Queen of Avoidance. The next morning when Momma Donna came to check on me with her gentle and reassuring way, I knew at once that there was nothing to forgive. An easiness of being returned to me through her loving kindness and although trepidation followed me down to the gathering, I saw that it had been my mind after all. As Momma Donna and I loped down the path, my new friend Ray stood by his car as though waiting for me. Welcomed with a hug and many exclamations, I realized how dearly I had been missed.

The storm had passed. And, luckily for me the party continued that day…and well on into the next.

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Epilogue Interestingly enough, on day three of my rain-filled adventure all those many years ago, I awoke to the sight of several (not small) collared dogs lounging around my campsite. They stayed with me until I could make it across the creek and then all but one left. That dog - well, he never left my side until we made it the several miles back to town and to his owner. I am forever grateful to this dog as he more than likely saved my life. But that, dear reader, is a story for another day.

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Redundancy is Critical

Redundancy is Critical in Key Situations

Life on the road can be a bit of a balancing act. Without a traditional home to, well, go home to, the safety nets we normally rely on are absent. There is a certain groundlessness to drifting about that is intrinsically appealing and yet at the same time one’s mind searches for ways to create fallbacks and security. This is true both in terms of the relative ease and peace we seek in our daily activities, as well as the predictable comfort we may feel is necessary for our meditation practice to be "successful".

True, I haven’t been out here very long and I have much more to learn. However, from the beginning of this venture I have recognized the need to think through potential scenarios that might leave me stranded or without key supports, such as a place to sleep, water, food (and the ability to cook it), power, lighting, heating and cooling. I have also given careful consideration as to where I will meditate and find space for the quietude of study and reflection. As my tech friend once said: “Redundancy is critical in key situations.” Here is a look into how I provide backup for those things which are key. And really, they are key-“ish”. Because, after all, what do we really, truly need to survive?

Housing About a month into my journey, my car battery died. Not knowing if I just needed a new battery, or something more grave, and as my friend Dan and I stood around watching my car not react to the jumpstart, it became very clear that I needed a tent. I had left my original tent with the first campground I stayed at as a donation. Not only was it ginormous, but it was a pain to set up single-handedly. Memories of previous trips were also tethered to it, so it felt right to let it go. I hadn’t replaced it yet – but I sure did begin my tent research frenzy right after my car finally started up. Luckily it was only the battery. Had it required days of time with a mechanic, I would have been sleeping under the stars. I now have my RAV4 tiny home and a 3 person tent as a backup. Incidentally, some campgrounds do not allow car camping, so having a tent really is a must.

Lighting While I can certainly sleep on the ground in the dark (surrounded by lions, tigers and most certainly bears), lighting makes life a bit more bear-able. I have solar, AC, USB, propane and battery operated lights. So far, my USB light (Biolite) has provided the most bang for the buck by generating many hours of use off of a small amount of chargeable watts.

My lighting includes: headlamps, small clip-on reading lights, LUCI lantern (solar), Biolite 500 (USB), battery powered lantern, propane lantern, USB fairy lights, and outdoor lights powered by AC electrical current. I also have two solar powered motion detector flood lights for safety at night. I have not had occasion to use the propane lantern yet this time, but will keep it on hand should power fail me.

Water I carry 5 gallons of clean drinking water with me. But, what if…? Boiling water or putting a small amount of bleach into water from an unknown source seem like reliable ways to get clean drinking water - although I have not tried them. I have brought my EHM water filter pitcher with filters from home, but find it really isn’t suitable for treating iffy water. Currently, I am researching UV wands and gravity bags to up my water redundancy game. Please refer to Water Log post for ways I find sources of clean drinking water.

Staying warm To date, 28℉ is the coldest nighttime temp I have slept through (in Florida!). My staying warm methods include reflectix window covers (hand made) and about 7 blankets, including two wool. I condense my sleeping area on colder nights by hanging a blanket behind the front seats, which seems to keep things a notch or two warmer. Sleeping bags are just not my thing.

Staying cool Staying cool hasn’t been much of an issue yet. I carry both battery powered and USB powered fans. In addition, I purchased a mosquito netting canopy which I drape from the edge of my SUV awning, creating a mosquito-free(ish) outdoor living area which allows me to stay outside where it may be cooler than in the tent or car.

Power This big adventure of mine really doesn’t seem all that daring when I consider all the stuff I have, and especially all the stuff I have that needs charging – phone, laptop, kindle, lights, tea kettle – yikes! This is a pretty comfy life I’ve arranged for myself and perhaps not so minimalist after all. While I will write more extensively about my power unit, the Jackery 1000, I will say I am mighty glad to have a power unit that uses solar, AC, or 12V (car battery) to charge. If the Jackery goes, though…I do have a small inverter that uses my car battery and will charge USB and AC devices while I am driving. And, well...I can read by candlelight if all else fails.

Cooking For now, I carry a two burner propane stove and an electric kettle which plugs into the Jackery. My cast iron skillet can be used over a fire and of course food can be cooked on the fire by itself. I will write more about my own personal style of eating and cooking on the road. At my current campground there is an outdoor kitchen (and microwave! – which I didn’t even have at home). Life is indeed easier with an outdoor kitchen on hand.

Coffee Yes. Coffee. Use of an electric kettle makes pour over coffee a cinch inside the vehicle in any weather. Boiling water over the propane stove or open fire are alternative ways to ensure a hot cup of java every morning.

Keeping food cool

I purchased an Igloo electric cooler, but have yet to really use it much plugged in as it does use quite a few watts of power. Primarily I carry foods that don’t need to stay cool. And again, I am lucky enough to have access to a fridge at my current location. I am learning that the key here is to find a way to insulate the cooler with reflectix and use a combination of dry ice and regular ice to create a system that will keep food cool for a few days (tip from my friend Momma Donna). Wrapping the dry ice with reflectix and other materials such as cardboard will also help insulate and keep things cool. For me, it’s really yogurt and some produce that I refrigerate. It is totally possible to create a diet eating only foods that don’t require refrigeration.

Internet

My 50 gig hotspot (Verizon, iPhone 14) has been more than sufficient for me to work on the road. I download anything I would like to watch (movie, show) onto a kindle fire whenever I am near a public Wi-Fi to avoid using the hotspot. I have already stopped at public libraries for this purpose. They are also terrific places to charge a device or two.

Meditation practice

Ah, the age old conundrum of creating the perfect conditions for meditation. As someone who is relatively new to the world of meditation, I definitely had the misconception that quiet solitude (which I had back at home) is essential for quality practice. In truth, each moment that passes in our lives provides us with the exact right conditions to practice. My formal sessions normally include use of a small bench for kneeling and I have set up a space in my vehicle for meditating. But ultimately, I can be anywhere – outside sitting on a fallen tree branch, kneeling in a clearing, perched on a cement stoop on a busy street, or just eating a meal - resting my mind is a forever and anywhere practice. I write this to you, dear reader, with full self-realization that every atom of my being yearns for a life in nature far from the madding crowd of dogs, cell phones, and other people’s voices. For me, the key redundancy and aspiration is to just keep practicing - any and everywhere - so that my practice is always with me. Over time, this should lay the groundwork for stability should an outage, system failure, or other malfunction of mind occur.

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Common Culture

Common Culture PART I

"There is magic in the moon, sun, soil, and rain. Native living will ease and solve the majority’s pain.

Painful separation of land, animal, and man. The painful complexities of this day’s modernized scam.” – Moon & Magic

“We stand as individuals collectively.” - Peter Massas

One of my biggest fears and aversions in life has been encountering and having to interact with those whose ideology or spirituality is overtly in opposition to my own. My mind’s tendency toward aggressive and intolerant thinking was never more apparent than during the pandemic, as we saw compassion and community wane with each tick of the COVID clock. Indeed, my thoughts were so dark toward others whom I judged “wrong”, that I finally mustered the courage to begin attending meditation and dharma classes – just in the nick of time.

When I took my leave of the sticks and bricks lifestyle, I knew I would have to be around people more. This was both a goal and a challenge – a real leap into the fear and anger that was well embedded since childhood. Aside from the few, I had determined people hadn’t particularly done me much good over the years (and I felt I hadn't done them much good either), and as my innate introversion grew, so did my complacency. The walls in my house weren’t benefiting from my practice – it was time to take this show on the road.

This place, this “undisclosed location” campground that I have had such great fortune to find, provides a rare opportunity for daily meditation, study and solitary reflection as well as the chance to meet and commune with a wide variety of people. Many are like minded, which makes my transition toward a more community-based life easier, and which also increases my awareness of the common threads which weave their way through so many seemingly different ways of living. I have met a psychedelic life coach in training, the founder of Circus of Purpose, a wolfpack, and Rainbows. I have learned about the land share movement and intentional communities. And, I have learned about the different ways people express their compassion and love by taking care of one another, and the earth, in an unequivocal and absolute way. Mama Donna and Dan, owners of this place, are extra-ordinary examples of people who take care of others in countless ways – from a warm meal, to a place to live, to a much needed conversation or hug – without ever expecting or thinking about the return. It is organic, authentic living that embraces our interdependence and prioritizes the needs of others. And, they provide others with the space to do the same.

My first weekend at this campground, the wolfpack arrived. As I got to know them (there was no escaping!), I learned that this unique group had come together through their shared love of the outdoors. They are a group that is diverse in all ways imaginable. These folks speak to me on such an emotional level. What they are saying, even if it’s not intended, is – we are together, our commonalities are stronger than our differences, and we choose community over division. By weekend’s end – guess who was their newest cub? I am dubious about the initiation, however (LOL).

Undisclosed location is much like being at an outdoor show or music festival, with all the fixings. There is a communal outdoor kitchen, a stage, a fire pit where folks gather in the evenings, nature trails, an outdoor shower, and plenty of space to spread out. Music is the theme (they have their own radio station!) and at night – oooh the lights make this groovy place vibe even more. On any given day, spontaneous live performances occur around the fire, or on stage. And, you can have as much or as little of it as you like. Convenient if you embrace the 10 p.m. bedtime as much as I do. Most days are like being on retreat. But when it bustles – it bustles!

Many people who are drawn to this place live what we mainstreamers consider a non-traditional lifestyle, living off grid in a sustainable, eco-conscious way which also allows space for helping others. Through the eyes of songwriters and nomadic travelers Moon and Magic who played for us here a week ago, I was awakened to a deeper way of living an interconnected life – one that fulfills our obligation to the earth through a continued day by day, hour by hour awareness of consumption. Their goals of sustainability and caring for the earth are reflected in “Circus of Purpose,” a not-for-profit that focuses on “performance, education, permaculture, and community building.” They are members of The Garden (actually we are all members of The Garden if we wish to be), an intentional land share community in Tennessee which offers anyone who wants to stay a home and a place to contribute to sustainable, off-grid leaderless (leader-FULL) living. The Garden collective is designed for low impact living, re/learning earth and bush skills, and allowing nature to show us how to live. It is a place where everyone works and everyone eats healthy, organic food.

Each day that goes by here, I am open more to other people and feel the soft spot in my heart become a place of connection and understanding. I also further my awareness of my own personal consumption and waste and try to adjust my actions accordingly. From time to time, I catch myself in old patterns of irritation and desire to be a hermit and live in the woods not to be bothered by another living soul. But here I find that I can be both interconnected and solitary. Indeed, we are individuals each working on our own “stuff” but with the understanding that we are together. Ah…it’s almost too easy here at undisclosed location. I can even co-exist with the armadillos. Let’s see what happens when I move on down the road and seek harmony and community with those whom I don’t agree as much. I have a feeling that is when the real work will begin.

Stay tuned for Common Culture Part II…Rainbows and musicians and artists…oh my!

NOTE: Be sure to check out the newly updated GEAR section of this website if you are interested in learning what I have found useful...and not so useful on my journey so far.